when i was younger, all my friends either wanted to be the next daryl strawberry or the next axl rose or the c.e.o. of disney. but me, i didn’t find any of that too appealing. i wanted to be a car and not just any car, but a full-size luxury sedan like a lincoln towncar. the thing that got me about the lincoln were the seats. it’s real leather in there made in the united states and not the kind of stuff they make the shoes out of at payless shoe source. real american leather makes a difference. i have thirteen lincoln towncars at home. i keep four in my garage, three in my backyard, three in the living room, and two in my kitchen. the ones in my house i don’t drive. i hire three guys from ecuador to rub the leather inside with cocoa butter every other day. every night before i go to sleep, i go inside one of my town cars and close my eyes and think of myself floating down fifth avenue, past the taxis and the stupid tourists and the buildings.