Posts tagged ‘street’
On the Metro, it’s not necessary to know how to do the subwayfold with your newspaper.
You can hustle all you want, but in the end you’re waiting in that same line to the clouds.
When I was younger, some of the lessons I learned from my father still stick with me today. Here are some of them, in no particular order:
-Avoid touching anything with your hands in a public bathroom. If for some stupid reason you have to poop in a public toilet, use your foot to flush. If you’re at a urinal, use your elbow, or just leave the damn thing unflushed and walk away quickly;
-There is absolutely no reason to talk with a stranger while at a public urinal. In fact, there’s no reason to talk with anyone in a public restroom or to make eye contact with anyone. Get in and get the fuck out as quickly as possible;
-You should always look both ways when crossing the street, even when you’re in the crosswalk. In an argument with a car, you will always lose. No point being right if you’re dead;
-If a woman tells you you’re “mysterious looking,” it means that she either thinks you’re good-looking or she’s just trying to tell you you’re ugly in a polite way. And there’s no way to tell the difference, even if she’s smiling;
-Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, look into a woman’s purse without her express permission. And even then, avoid it at all costs. It’s a trap.
“As my Uncle Bobby used to say, “Everybody has earwax!” It took me until the early 2000’s to fully appreciate and understand his advice.
Everybody has earwax.
It couldn’t be any simpler. But that maxim has been distorted. People everywhere are trying to get earwax out of their ear, but only when no one is looking. They use a Q-tip, their finger, or a pen cap to remove the wax. This kind of behavior, while seemingly satisfying, is short-lived, unproductive, and a little vegetarian. Maybe, with a little bit of luck, a person can get something out of their ear with a fingernail or a Q-tip. But when that stuff is really analyzed by scientists in North America, it’s been shown time and time again that most of that’s just dirt or bread crust, but not the magical fairy holy supreme inner earwax that ear pickers seek day in and day out for the rest of their lives. This wax is dark orange or black and when extracted, looks a bit like a crushed up and flattened raisin, and tastes like old wet cardboard. That’s the stuff that makes an ear itch.”
-Chris Tuckbee, “My life on the inside,” Page 32, Reprinted with permission from the National Podiatry Chronicles of Luther Valley, MD.
“Every man needs his own chair. His chair is not connected to any other chair, and has armrests and a retractable footrest, either electronic or manual. A man’s chair needs to be separated by at least eight feet of space from all sides. No one other than the man, except for the dog or the cat, can sit in the man’s chair. This rule applies even when the man is not in the room. The man’s chair is not required to match with the other furniture as a precondition for its existence. . .”
Hon. Craig Litbee, during the opening submission of the Progression of Situations Act of the Umb Congress of the Republic West. 1973.
Did last year bring you down? Well, you’re not the only one.
How to create inspirational posts on Facebook that most everybody will like
12/10/2014
Rufus Mangrove
“I often tell my clients that it’s important to absolutely destroy yourself once in a while. That way, when you eventually pick yourself up off the ground after some form or forms of self-destructive behavior (preferably something that lasts a year or more), you will be in a better position mentally to find a really good inspirational quote set against a nice warm picture of clouds or sunsets, or a woman running into the distance on a beach. You can then post variants of that quote over and over again on Facebook, sometimes in different fonts (safe bets are copperplate, palatino, and papyrus, but always, always, avoid comic sans and arial), and your friends will like it, because people can’t dislike positive people and messages. The goal in all of this is for someone to share your inspirational post, hopefully someone like George Takei, which you will then share, along with a new quote that sheds light on your further realizations, which hopefully will be shared again, giving you yet another opportunity to share and pontificate in a couple of sentences about what happiness means to you and the larger world.”
Ellsworth Drive.
#Maryland365 – Silver Spring, MD.
Follow the project here: https://www.facebook.com/Maryland365
University Blvd.
#Maryland365 — Langley Park, MD.
Follow the project here: https://www.facebook.com/Maryland365
The project is full steam ahead! I truly appreciate all the support for the project! I’m always looking for new faces, so please get in touch with me if you live in Maryland! I want to take your picture!
We interrupt our normally scheduled programming to bring you this message that no one will read
05/04/2014
Rufus Mangrove
We interrupt our normally scheduled programming to bring you this message
I don’t have an official name for this project yet. For now, it’s called #Maryland365. No, I’m not taking a picture everyday or something.
For the “categorizers” and lovers of dictionaries, this line of work would likely be called “street portraits.” That is . . . close up portraits, taken on the street, with permission. I’m going to agree with the recent posts by the one and only Charlie Kirk that this project should not be labeled as “street photography.”
The pictures in this project will include a location and, as it stands, the #Maryland365. As of now, I’m focusing on Takoma Park and the surrounding area. I haven’t yet figured out what to do if I end up in DC, which is only a few minutes away. I’ll cross that bridge another day, as finding the correct hashtag doesn’t really keep me up at night. So, welcome to the first post in several. And, no, I do not approve of the ads below. I could pay wordpress to get rid of them, but as of now, I’m going to spend that money on an ND filter.
University Blvd.
Langley Park, Maryland.
#Maryland365
e v e r y d a y aperture 