my name is sky maldonado. i am a galaxy warrior. i have training in several forms of martial arts, including other fighting styles, like waxing and vibration waves. i’ve been a strict vegetarian since joining the order of galaxy warriors nine years ago. my life was different then. i went to school so i could get a job. i got a job so i could be in debt. i just kept working and working but really not going anywhere. and then i met the emperor, the father of all galaxy warriors. he taught me to start eating kale because it cleansed the mind. he taught me to stop paying all my bills with cash or credit but instead to send typewritten poems about mountains. we could get away with it because there were thousands of us. they were afraid because they knew the galaxy warriors could get others to stop paying. but that’s one of our smaller victories in the whole scheme of things. we’re in charge of running the most sophisticated eavesdropping equipment in the world. we’ve converted every telephone booth to what we call ultragravitational eavesdropping beacons. these devices actually float in the airwaves and using a reverse filter, absorbs words as chains of sentences and emails them to various anonymous networks run by the government. you don’t see us, but we’re the cogs.