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Posts tagged ‘ricoh grd iii’

time and a half

05/31/2011

Rufus Mangrove

some of my friends’ friends, they keep talking about wanting to get a better car than the one they have. but me, i don’t even have a car. i like to think i can afford it but really i can’t. i eat three times a day and go out to lunch at least once a week, but i can’t afford a car. where am i going to park it? whose going to pay for the insurance? with all those crazy drivers out there and the teenagers now they just hit my car after a few weeks and then i won’t be able to drive it. what then. then i’ll be paying for a car that doesn’t work. that’s the last thing i need right now with the economy the way it is. some of my friends friends don’t have jobs so i don’t know where they are getting the money but probably from rich uncles or something. that’s the only thing that could explain it because me i’ve got a good job, no a great job at the dumpling house. i work maybe nine hours a day, starting with the lunch shift. we go pretty hard those few hours then we slow down then pick up again right around 5:30. i get to meet lots of people. people from the neighborhood. tourists. the young ones. and i get to eat on the house so none of my money goes wasted to food. i keep my expenses low. and sometimes in the summers, i get picked to work overtime for the weddings. and that’s when i make some good money. i make time a half.

cameo

05/31/2011

Rufus Mangrove

W-O-R-D up.

sheepshead bay don’t play

05/31/2011

Rufus Mangrove

we’ve got a rogue helicopter pilot on the loose inside this airspace.

bunched

04/15/2011

Rufus Mangrove

pack it in.

santa’s little helper

03/29/2011

Rufus Mangrove

being part of the organization that works for one of the most powerful people in history is not all fun and games and reindeers. all that stuff with the books and movies and the candy canes? that right there is public relations. i’m part of the special operations division. wiretapping. extraditions. confidential informants. the stuff we don’t need we send it over to our contacts in the government. i’ve been an agent for about six months. everyone starts out in surveillance on soft targets. people in the subway or in the supermarkets, that kind of thing. we’re looking for anything unusual, things that would suggest a deliberate intention to prevaricate or just to generally harass others. i’m still a bit new so i write everything down on my lists. shoe size. new jacket vs. used jacket. my editor says he’ll shorten it for our final report to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE, and that with my attention to detail, i’ll soon be able to do higher tasks that involve even more important lists. i owe everything to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE.

microwaves are for girls

03/26/2011

Rufus Mangrove

the thing about microwaves is that they’ve made us soft. before, when you wanted to boil water, you put some water in a pot and put it on the stove for six or seven or eight minutes. then, if you didn’t have a tea kettle, you had to pour the water from the pot into a cup and more often than not, the water spilled onto the counter or on the floor but at least you were careful not to burn yourself. nowadays, when you want hot water, you put your water in a mug and put it in the microwave for a minute. the only thing you have to be careful about now is not burning yourself on the damn mug handle. you think you should be careful about all those gamma rays in the water, but those scientists said there was nothing wrong with microwaved water. that was until you started growing breasts and you suddenly started having a strong urge to collect barbies and all your phone calls were lasting fifteen to twenty minutes and how all you want to eat is some nutella on a spoon in the dark watching reruns of modern family and off the map on the internet.

careful

03/26/2011

Rufus Mangrove

forty four more to go . . .

lady cortelyou

03/25/2011

Rufus Mangrove

it consumed me

das capitalism

03/24/2011

Rufus Mangrove

i will destroy you.

i’d quit that job tomorrow

03/24/2011

Rufus Mangrove

dear god. please let me win fucking mega millions. thanks.