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Everything I learned about public bathrooms and women . . .

02/13/2015

Rufus Mangrove

Down

When I was younger, some of the lessons I learned from my father still stick with me today. Here are some of them, in no particular order:

-Avoid touching anything with your hands in a public bathroom. If for some stupid reason you have to poop in a public toilet, use your foot to flush. If you’re at a urinal, use your elbow, or just leave the damn thing unflushed and walk away quickly;

-There is absolutely no reason to talk with a stranger while at a public urinal. In fact, there’s no reason to talk with anyone in a public restroom or to make eye contact with anyone. Get in and get the fuck out as quickly as possible;

-You should always look both ways when crossing the street, even when you’re in the crosswalk. In an argument with a car, you will always lose. No point being right if you’re dead;

-If a woman tells you you’re “mysterious looking,” it means that she either thinks you’re good-looking or she’s just trying to tell you you’re ugly in a polite way. And there’s no way to tell the difference, even if she’s smiling;

-Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, look into a woman’s purse without her express permission. And even then, avoid it at all costs. It’s a trap.

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6 Comments

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  1. February 13, 2015

    status of public bathrooms is much better these days so you can to relax ;-)

    • Rufus Mangrove #
      April 23, 2015

      It’s certainly better but as long as men have not changed, then I will say that the bathrooms, on a fundamental level, haven’t changed that much. Of the places I wouldn’t want to be trapped, it would be a dentist’s office and a public bathroom. :-)

  2. February 13, 2015

    You should share this one on facebook.

    • Rufus Mangrove #
      April 23, 2015

      These are highly regarded secrets.

  3. March 20, 2016

    May I add: Never ever assume nor ask if a woman is pregnant. Treacherous straits, those…

    • Rufus Mangrove #
      May 16, 2016

      Not just treacherous. It’s outright dangerous! That is good advice, and one that I should have included.

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