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the planet of the baboons


Rufus Mangrove

the apes get all the damn credit. the fact is, when pierre boulle came up with his science “fiction” masterpiece, the motherfucker was talking about us. baboons, not apes. but the thing is, even in french, the planet of the baboons doesn’t roll off the tongue in that je ne sais quoi kind of way. that’s why he was forced to change it by those agents of his. charlton heston, the good man that he was, caught whiff of this and replaced every damn ape word with baboon. but when those commie bastards out in california heard the line, ‘take your stinking hands off me you dirty baboon,’ they got all sensitive because marx was a baboon. yeah, you didn’t know that either, did you? all that shit you read about the apes rising that’s fiction because apes are idiots and even if they weren’t idiots hypothetically you know they don’t have the chutzpah to actually challenge the human “race” for supremacy. but baboons . . . you better watch yourself. we’ll eat your baby without thinking twice bitch. that’s the kind of the old world monkeys we are.

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