Posts tagged ‘NYC’
they’ll probably come down when we’re all sleeping. maybe on the night before christmas or when the earth is engulfed in a massive hurricane and everyone is huddled inside behind taped windows. i’m guessing they start in the forests and other heavily wooded areas, to get their footing and work on their balance. since they’re careful, they’re going to spend maybe a year or so hiding and sneaking about, watching our movements. there might be a report here or there, nothing national, about “sightings” up in the “mountains,” but we’ll probably just talk about that when we’re drunk. and then when all the ducks are in a row and they control all the machines, they will come through our doors, five for every one of us, and lock us in cages for a few years. in those years, there would be a big debate amongst the invaders of what to do with us, like keep us alive underground or use us for entertainment. but then it becomes clear, after most of us become brainwashed and unable to do anything, that the invaders are going to smash us and use us for crude oil to power their new machines. the population is eliminated except for small bands of humans, hiding in tunnels under the ground and in the rock faces.
I have nothing against NPR. Let me first just make that clear. What I have a problem with is sometimes they put really questionable stuff on the air, which makes me wonder whether the stuff I think is legit is really, in fact, just plain bullshit. Take for instance right now. On the air, someone is interviewing a father-son team, who wrote some book about “What waiters really think of you.” First of all, I don’t give a fuck about what waiters think of me. I’m not sure what else to say after that.
last night i got into my car and drove into the ocean. at the time it didn’t seem like a stupid idea. i had to get to coney island and going via the ocean was the quickest way. by the time i made it a few hundred feet off shore, i realized i had a lot longer to go, and things were taking a lot longer than i expected. i was able to turn the car around but the current prevented me from going anywhere. i wasn’t freaking out because i could see land but the more i pressed the gas, the more i just stayed in the same place. i thought about jumping overboard and pushing the car but then there might have been sharks.
[in your best don lafontaine voice]
In a world long forgotten. In an age of darkness. . .
One man took a stand to stop a war that should have ended long ago.
Get ready for action. Prepare for excitement. And hold on for the ride of your life.
The Big Dogs of Cortelyou Road.
Starring John Goodman.
They had prepared a feast with unwrapped candy bars, sliced hot dogs, and mounds of some sort of pasta dish that looked like a cross between Kraft Mac N’ Cheese and cooked oatmeal. I wasn’t really that hungry but I didn’t want to offend my hosts by refusing the paper plate they had pushed in front of me with their noses. I quickly picked up one of the candy bars and put it in my mouth, chewing as fast as I could. It tasted like an old snickers bar, the chocolate a bit too crunchy and the bits of nougat and peanuts sticking to the roof my mouth as though they had been dipped in rubber cement.