Posts tagged ‘commute’
every now and then i give up balloons. it’s never really a planned thing. my body just tells me, “no more fucking balloons roy.” so i listen because i know if i don’t i can get into some deep trouble. when you deal with the kind of balloons i deal with, there is only so much your body can handle before it just shuts down on itself.
if you think this has to do with you then think again man. and that’s where the bible got it really wrong when it comes down to it. the fact that the women came second after the man and shit doesn’t mean that the women were created for the man. a lot of people say that but you know science, real science without the politics, can really change paradigms. what if i told you that if you take a look at a woman’s galaptor cells under a microscope, and you can get this on ebay, you’re going to see without a shadow of a doubt that a woman is related to the modern day entenmann’s softee donut but in a much more concentrated form. to put it in perspective, just one drop of their liquid cinnamon sugar donuts is enough to make three hundred thousand boxes of donuts.
when it comes to competitive ice cream eating, there’s the bobby griffiths and the lucy dasilvas and the west coast all stars and then there’s fucking us. our sport has been portrayed in a kind of debonair light, you know horses and sunny fields and mint juleps. that’s just a show like for non-cable t.v. if you have the jompa network or the sunnyvale comunity, then you know every third saturday of the month at 2:30 p.m. either rain or shine or snow we have boardwalk battles and frankly we don’t even care if anyone gets in our way. we’re going to do our thing and you’re either going to watch or you going to be dead.
i remember those saturdays when my parents knew not even to try and wake me up before two o’clock in the afternoon.
if i had to describe it in a few minutes, i think the real difference between manhattanites and brooklynites comes down to movie theatres. in manhattan, when something goes wrong with the movie in the theatre, everyone gets all serious and they won’t leave the place until they get a refund and free drink or something. and they’ll be pissed and make sure everyone hears them say that “they’re never coming back to this place ever ever again” and that they’re going to lodge a complaint with the city on the new 3-1-1 app for iphone. they all then start yelling with one another and then after five or ten minutes everyone starts blaming bloomberg or newt gingrich.
but in brooklyn, when something goes wrong with the movie, everyone just kind of shrugs and laughs quietly to themselves.
i started i think when i saw rambo 1 or rambo 2. this was when this kind of stuff was on vhs or beta, even before blockbuster. i don’t remember whether it was 1 or 2 but it was the one where he comes out of the fucking side of the earth covered in mud and stabs the guy in the chest. it was just simply amazing. better than the predator even. i want my fucking son to be rambo, too. none of this elmo shit.
her name’s chrissa. she loves it when anyone is watching any episode from the second season of smallville. she’ll stop whatever she’s doing and sniff around in a circle like she’s going to pee but she’s not going to pee because she’s housebroken and I housebroke her when she was only a few weeks old but not everyone understands that. some people get a little touchy and i can see that they’re a little uncomfortable with my little fucking dog doing that little fucking circle pee dance on their carpet.
Leon Kogut. Newkirk Plaza.
If you don’t know, now you know . . .
it’s exactly what you thought it was.
Meet Jabari and Azizi from the Prospect Park Zoo. They are baboons. That big motherfucker sitting on the woods there? That’s Simen. If you look at him funny, he’ll come up and slam the glass and scare the living shit out of you. No kidding.
So back to Jabari and Azizi. They’re really cute. They’re extremely playful. And yeah, they’re half-brothers.
I take my three old son to the Zoo on a weekday. Good thing to do these types of things in New York City on a weekday because it’s crowded as all shit on the weekends. We love the baboon exhibit at the Prospect Park Zoo, because most of the times the keepers are late feeding the Sea Lions.
So there they were playing around with sticks and some of the carrots and kelp the zookeepers insist they love to eat. My son and I have seen this several times. Then Jabari and Azizi run down to the “lower platform” of the exhibit, which has a different viewing station. It takes us a couple minutes to get to that viewing station because it involves stairs and if you have a three year old, you know how long it takes to walk down five sets of stairs.
And then there they were with Simen the alpha fucking male looking on. My son asks, “Hey dad, what are they doing?” I replied, “Hold on dude, let me just take some pictures.” So one picture turned into like fifteen pictures and then 1) I started thinking what kind of freak am I and then wished I had a Nikon SLR with continuous mode and number 2) oh shit, what is my son thinking? Then I say something to him along the lines of, “It’s this thing the young ones do but hey, look at that bird over there!” At this point they’re using their hands on one another and then I try to press the shutter again like a complete freak again but my camera goes kaput.
Good thing we had the whole exhibit to ourselves. Or so I thought. I look up and I see the security guard at the top. I said to myself, “Great, I’m going to get arrested for this.” But when I looked closer, I noticed the guard’s eyes transfixed on what was going on between Azizi and Jabari. I wanted to tell the guard, “Does the press know about this?” But when she caught me looking at her, she quickly turned and walked the other way.
e v e r y d a y aperture 