there’s some things that get better when you get older and there’s some things that get a lot worse. one of those things that gets progressively worse to the point of just wanting to jump off the empire state building is christmas. i am not against jesus or the church or giving or macy’s or parades or santa. it’s just that the list of shit to do during christmas gets bigger and bigger every year. it used to be that you just played around and got gifts and candy canes and watched cartoons and woke up and someone had made breakfast for you and was paying your bills and your health insurance. now, i have to get gifts not only for my family, but for the friends of my children and the cousins twice removed that i never even met on my wife’s side and my neighbors and trying to figure out how much the tip should be for my superintendent who is also the god parent of my child so that adds in another layer of gift giving and then there’s all the ornaments and lights and fragile stuff that everyone put up in the apartment that at some point i’m going to have to take all down and put into boxes and figure out how to stuff it back into my closets and then all the thousands of cookies i have to bake and it’s cold outside and the apartment is too small and too hot and too dry and that’s just a big fucking pain in the ass. christmas was clearly a holiday season created by women.