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Posts tagged ‘the MTA’

corner office

09/13/2011

Rufus Mangrove

in my next life, i’m going to be a fucking rabid alligator will bulletproof skin that eats people in suits.

the reach

09/13/2011

Rufus Mangrove

the reach is one of the most difficult techniques to maneuver, particularly in public places. it requires cat like instincts and above all, an affinity for taking chances when they count the most. this is what defines success, both here in the subway and in the corporate world. the lessons i will teach you over the next six weeks will change your life, wherever you are and in whatever station of life you are in. with this once in a lifetime course, YOU too can make the reach!

search engine

07/12/2011

Rufus Mangrove

a little bit of dis. a little bit of dat.

i like coney island in the rain

07/09/2011

Rufus Mangrove

for me, the best time to go to coney island is in the summer when it’s raining. the rain washes away all the dust and litter and manhattanites that tend to accumulate. what’s left is the innocence that will always be coney island. even if you weren’t born here, you are transported back, even for a few seconds, to that time in your childhood when you could yell at the top of your lungs, when your daddy was your best friend, and you ran from one place to another because you could.

the vanity room

07/03/2011

Rufus Mangrove

putting on some sun.

cameo

05/31/2011

Rufus Mangrove

W-O-R-D up.

bunched

04/15/2011

Rufus Mangrove

pack it in.

santa’s little helper

03/29/2011

Rufus Mangrove

being part of the organization that works for one of the most powerful people in history is not all fun and games and reindeers. all that stuff with the books and movies and the candy canes? that right there is public relations. i’m part of the special operations division. wiretapping. extraditions. confidential informants. the stuff we don’t need we send it over to our contacts in the government. i’ve been an agent for about six months. everyone starts out in surveillance on soft targets. people in the subway or in the supermarkets, that kind of thing. we’re looking for anything unusual, things that would suggest a deliberate intention to prevaricate or just to generally harass others. i’m still a bit new so i write everything down on my lists. shoe size. new jacket vs. used jacket. my editor says he’ll shorten it for our final report to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE, and that with my attention to detail, i’ll soon be able to do higher tasks that involve even more important lists. i owe everything to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE.

microwaves are for girls

03/26/2011

Rufus Mangrove

the thing about microwaves is that they’ve made us soft. before, when you wanted to boil water, you put some water in a pot and put it on the stove for six or seven or eight minutes. then, if you didn’t have a tea kettle, you had to pour the water from the pot into a cup and more often than not, the water spilled onto the counter or on the floor but at least you were careful not to burn yourself. nowadays, when you want hot water, you put your water in a mug and put it in the microwave for a minute. the only thing you have to be careful about now is not burning yourself on the damn mug handle. you think you should be careful about all those gamma rays in the water, but those scientists said there was nothing wrong with microwaved water. that was until you started growing breasts and you suddenly started having a strong urge to collect barbies and all your phone calls were lasting fifteen to twenty minutes and how all you want to eat is some nutella on a spoon in the dark watching reruns of modern family and off the map on the internet.

careful

03/26/2011

Rufus Mangrove

forty four more to go . . .