Posts tagged ‘subway’
I remember waking up that morning with a long tail, thick whiskers, and an insatiable appetite for subway water runoff and fermented garbage. I wrapped the tail around my leg with duct tape, shaved the whiskers off, and then drank a large cup of coffee. By lunchtime my tail had disappeared. My whiskers never grew back. I never realized then that I had an ongoing medical condition.
Nothing ever happened again until a few months later when I began smoking massive amounts of the Purple Spike. Purple Spike looked like prime California Kush. Thick, golf ball size buds covered with purple hairs and crystals, and the kind of scent that just blasted through any container it was in. But the Purple Spike didn’t smell like weed because it wasn’t weed. Purple Spike was the last original strain of Dehydrated Free Will cultivated by the now infamous Clan of
Jompa. More on that shit later, because I have to get some preliminaries out of the way. Otherwise, you are not going to understand or even be prepared mentally for what you are about to learn. There’s a good chance that your body could just shut down and cease operating.
i don’t know what kind of country we live in nowadays when the front page of over seventy-five percent of the dailies are reserved for what’s left of kim kardashian’s marriage. everyone is pointing their fingers and shaking their heads in disgust. but give the bitch a break. i mean, we want the drama. we want the fights. we want some salaciousness and some excess to top it off. that’s what makes that big ass of hers so interesting and fun to follow. if i wanted just to look at big ass, i’d go to the grand concourse with my video camera. kim kardashian is more than that. she took a big ass and gave it neon lights and a moustache.
the reach is one of the most difficult techniques to maneuver, particularly in public places. it requires cat like instincts and above all, an affinity for taking chances when they count the most. this is what defines success, both here in the subway and in the corporate world. the lessons i will teach you over the next six weeks will change your life, wherever you are and in whatever station of life you are in. with this once in a lifetime course, YOU too can make the reach!
putting on some sun.
pack it in.
being part of the organization that works for one of the most powerful people in history is not all fun and games and reindeers. all that stuff with the books and movies and the candy canes? that right there is public relations. i’m part of the special operations division. wiretapping. extraditions. confidential informants. the stuff we don’t need we send it over to our contacts in the government. i’ve been an agent for about six months. everyone starts out in surveillance on soft targets. people in the subway or in the supermarkets, that kind of thing. we’re looking for anything unusual, things that would suggest a deliberate intention to prevaricate or just to generally harass others. i’m still a bit new so i write everything down on my lists. shoe size. new jacket vs. used jacket. my editor says he’ll shorten it for our final report to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE, and that with my attention to detail, i’ll soon be able to do higher tasks that involve even more important lists. i owe everything to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE.
the thing about microwaves is that they’ve made us soft. before, when you wanted to boil water, you put some water in a pot and put it on the stove for six or seven or eight minutes. then, if you didn’t have a tea kettle, you had to pour the water from the pot into a cup and more often than not, the water spilled onto the counter or on the floor but at least you were careful not to burn yourself. nowadays, when you want hot water, you put your water in a mug and put it in the microwave for a minute. the only thing you have to be careful about now is not burning yourself on the damn mug handle. you think you should be careful about all those gamma rays in the water, but those scientists said there was nothing wrong with microwaved water. that was until you started growing breasts and you suddenly started having a strong urge to collect barbies and all your phone calls were lasting fifteen to twenty minutes and how all you want to eat is some nutella on a spoon in the dark watching reruns of modern family and off the map on the internet.
forty four more to go . . .
“$998.00. Four seater sofa. Easy to keep clean with removable, dry clean only cover. The 3-seat sofa can be divided in the middle and extended with e.g. a 1-seat section.”
when you come underground, into my station, you live by my rules. those rules are not simply lines in my mind but pathological truths that float through this stale air and give it, even for a fleeting second, a semblance of comfort rolled into some order.
e v e r y d a y aperture 