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Posts tagged ‘New Hampshire Avenue’

Beer Bread

02/20/2019

Rufus Mangrove

The last time I made beer bread was more than fifteen years ago. I had fond memories of being able to make your bread at home quickly without a yeast packet. And all the home chefs making beer bread on YouTube seemed pretty happy with the taste.

Easy. Simple. Fast.

The concept of making beer bread came to me while I was out at Value Village with the family. A neighbor texted me the following:

Hey man — do you happen to have a cheap bland beer I can have for making bread? I’ll give you a loaf . . .

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Value Village on a holiday. It’s a mess. There were like nine hundred people and there were clothes all over the place. I really had no interest in being at Value Village so naturally, my thoughts drifted. And bam, like magic, that’s when I get the text about the beer bread.

I’m thinking all I need is flour and beer and I’ll have bread in like an hour. That sounded good to me. I checked out a few recipes and I was almost right except for the baking powder

They don’t tell you in the recipe that the beer matters. Back when I used to make beer bread, I used only Corona. Where I used to live in Queens, it was either that or Budweiser. I’m starting to think now that my taste buds weren’t developed back then.

The beer I used a few days ago was the Costco Branded IPA Beer. I think for anyone who had the privilege of drinking this beer can attest to, it’s absolutely horrible. No matter how cold it actually is, it has a warm beer flavor.

I made one loaf and it tasted like Beer Flavored Bread. It was weird like wearing your shoes backward weird.

I made the second loaf thinking that perhaps the first one was a bad recipe.

Nope.

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Donut or Doughnuts?

10/17/2017

Rufus Mangrove

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When I think of the spelling of those magical round fried dough like creations with a hole in the middle, I don’t think of “doughnuts.” Instead, I think of “donuts,” which according to Merriam Webster, is the “less common spelling” of the term.

While I understand that “doughnuts” may be the “more correct” spelling — because after all “doughnuts” are made of “dough” — I just have trouble accepting the fact that “doughnut” is the “more common spelling.”

For all the “doughnut” spelling purists, maybe I can be forgiven for not understanding the language. I was born in the late 1970’s, so the only “doughnut” shop I knew about growing up was ultimately Dunkin’ Donuts.

And then later, in New York, I remember places like Alpha Donut, D-Lite Donuts, and of course, the one and only, the creator of the topnotch triple threat Plain-Powder-Cinnamon Softee Donuts, Entenmann’s Donuts. There was also this place right off Queensboro Plaza subway station, and I am convinced their name had Donut in it.

This is far from any scientific study, but I’ve noticed that many of the nouveau places — you know, the kind where everything is handcrafted, artisanal, and most importantly, grossly overpriced — generally use the Doughnut spelling. See Doughnut Plant.

I prefer “Donut” shops, as opposed to “Doughnut” shops. I don’t want the menu printed in handwritten colored chalk. I don’t want my coffee in a big ceramic mug with a foam heart on top. I don’t want 67 different varieties of donuts to choose from. I don’t want cozy sofas to sit on, or I Heart Radio playing in the background. I don’t want a place that accepts credit cards. I don’t want a cloth napkin served with my donuts.  And I definitely don’t want my donut served on a plate.

I EAT MY DONUTS IN A NONDESCRIPT BROWN PAPER BAG WHILE I’M WALKING AND USE MY SLEEVE AS A NAPKIN.

Keep your damn Doughnuts, you Doughnut People.

 

Value Village

11/05/2016

Rufus Mangrove

New Hampshire Avenue.