Posts tagged ‘human condition’
i have to drive two and a half hours out of the city and live in a yurt in the middle of nowhere for a couple of days with no hot water just so i can get some fresh air without having to compete with the asshole that’s always yelling on my street. #whatcitydoyoulivein
three words to the whack: step yourself back.
it’s exactly what you thought it was.
i will tax cut your ass off with my tongue. i will shut down your electricity with my cheek. i will divert all your orange juice to mayor bloomberg. i will take your ice cream from your freezer and put it into my toaster. i will move all government jobs to kenya. i will outlaw anything with yogurt in it. i will build a shrine to overweight cows and put it in the center of columbus circle. i will remove everything above 96th street and put it in the bronx under a big blue tarp. i will get rid of the subway and require everyone to drink gasoline. i will force everyone to put a tattoo of barry goldwater above their right knee. i will require everyone to put green backsplash in their kitchens. i will make it illegal to wear anything made of pashmina. i will force everyone to bow down to martha stewart.
re-guuuuuuu-laaaaaaaaayyyyy-torrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-zzzz!
mount up.
there is a magic show that i keep in a box at home underneath my bed inside of a secret plastic bag that’s folded between two envelopes that i remember buying the first time i went to paris and saw the beautiful lights. i really miss those days because those were the days you could fly literally with these carpets that you could get anywhere for a pittance. all you really needed was a place to fly and there was plenty of that in the countryside. my father owned a farm there with all these chickens and i remember they use to come in at dinner and ask us to sing songs and we did because that’s the kind of family we were.
a little bit of dis. a little bit of dat.
some of my friends’ friends, they keep talking about wanting to get a better car than the one they have. but me, i don’t even have a car. i like to think i can afford it but really i can’t. i eat three times a day and go out to lunch at least once a week, but i can’t afford a car. where am i going to park it? whose going to pay for the insurance? with all those crazy drivers out there and the teenagers now they just hit my car after a few weeks and then i won’t be able to drive it. what then. then i’ll be paying for a car that doesn’t work. that’s the last thing i need right now with the economy the way it is. some of my friends friends don’t have jobs so i don’t know where they are getting the money but probably from rich uncles or something. that’s the only thing that could explain it because me i’ve got a good job, no a great job at the dumpling house. i work maybe nine hours a day, starting with the lunch shift. we go pretty hard those few hours then we slow down then pick up again right around 5:30. i get to meet lots of people. people from the neighborhood. tourists. the young ones. and i get to eat on the house so none of my money goes wasted to food. i keep my expenses low. and sometimes in the summers, i get picked to work overtime for the weddings. and that’s when i make some good money. i make time a half.
W-O-R-D up.
e v e r y d a y aperture 