Posts tagged ‘everyday life’
being part of the organization that works for one of the most powerful people in history is not all fun and games and reindeers. all that stuff with the books and movies and the candy canes? that right there is public relations. i’m part of the special operations division. wiretapping. extraditions. confidential informants. the stuff we don’t need we send it over to our contacts in the government. i’ve been an agent for about six months. everyone starts out in surveillance on soft targets. people in the subway or in the supermarkets, that kind of thing. we’re looking for anything unusual, things that would suggest a deliberate intention to prevaricate or just to generally harass others. i’m still a bit new so i write everything down on my lists. shoe size. new jacket vs. used jacket. my editor says he’ll shorten it for our final report to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE, and that with my attention to detail, i’ll soon be able to do higher tasks that involve even more important lists. i owe everything to the GLORIOUS DEAR MAN WE KNOW AND LOVE.
the thing about microwaves is that they’ve made us soft. before, when you wanted to boil water, you put some water in a pot and put it on the stove for six or seven or eight minutes. then, if you didn’t have a tea kettle, you had to pour the water from the pot into a cup and more often than not, the water spilled onto the counter or on the floor but at least you were careful not to burn yourself. nowadays, when you want hot water, you put your water in a mug and put it in the microwave for a minute. the only thing you have to be careful about now is not burning yourself on the damn mug handle. you think you should be careful about all those gamma rays in the water, but those scientists said there was nothing wrong with microwaved water. that was until you started growing breasts and you suddenly started having a strong urge to collect barbies and all your phone calls were lasting fifteen to twenty minutes and how all you want to eat is some nutella on a spoon in the dark watching reruns of modern family and off the map on the internet.
it consumed me
i will destroy you.
dear god. please let me win fucking mega millions. thanks.
you can’t resist someone like me.
i stepped on my hamster today.
dedicated.
alice wasn’t born yesterday but the warnings went way beyond what she expected for this sector. a few weeks ago, all she had to worry about were those pesky seals that had escaped from the zoo trying to shake her down for fish. they were easy to handle. you could give them some almonds or pretend to throw something in the other direction and then run as fast as you could down flatbush where it was more safe. but peruvian camels were another beast altogether. unless you had the right kind of feta cheese, that is, french feta cheese, they weren’t going to let you pass.
“$998.00. Four seater sofa. Easy to keep clean with removable, dry clean only cover. The 3-seat sofa can be divided in the middle and extended with e.g. a 1-seat section.”
e v e r y d a y aperture 