Posts tagged ‘commute’
people tell me i should just breathe another day.
a large dragon came through my fire escape last night. he told me that i will always walk alone. and then he left the same way he came in.
next stop, 2013.
microphone checker
swinging sword lecture
closing down the sector
supreme neck protector
be my friend. hold me.
keep going and don’t look back. i think i’ve heard or read that quote in one guise or another since the early 1980’s, you know, in graduation speeches, tea bags, shit like that where you were supposed to feel inspired. it advocated for thinking about your future and making the right choices and living with the consequences and becoming independent and other yada yada bullshit. but come on, is it really like that? i think most people, if given a chance now, would have remained attached either to their mother’s breast or a BPA free nipple while a nice steady stream of raffi and pureed sweet potatoes floated overhead.
I’m not so much into crazy shit talk but sometimes I think people are watching me. Just the other day, I was walking down Ocean Avenue and for whatever reason I looked up and there was this Caribbean guy about six floors up taking pictures of me. I thought maybe it was a coincidence that it was the third time that week that I caught someone taking pictures of me with a long lens. But when I crossed over Newkirk, one of those dollar vans pulled up next to me on the sidewalk and tried to offer me a ride. The guy kept saying, “No really, it’s my pleasure, really,” but his teeth were all nasty and there were bits of meat inside and meat makes me feel really uncomfortable. So I jumped over the fence and then through the basement of the church and then I climbed up a tree and then jumped onto a roof and then slid down into the yard. I don’t know whether I had broken anything but at least I knew I wasn’t being followed. I don’t know how long that was going to last so instead of getting up I crawled through the yard, past the sidewalk, underneath the car, and down into the gutter. I thought it was going to be a lot nastier than it was, and if you haven’t tried it, I really suggest it. It’s warm and moist. That’s good things to have IMHO when you need a hideout during the winter.
president hectorish of the trench:
i have nothing against aliens, dinosaurs, robots, and zombies. i’m saying all this so you know the gravity of what i’m about to tell you. as you know, i’ve been working in the special projects unit that monitored the influx of rabbits from other planets. nothing was unusual until about an hour ago. the numbers spiked. the rabbits from planets as far off as galstakigar — four larkgomes away! — were coming in at about a thousand per minute.
one of my patrol teams found them congregating in an abandoned loft in gowanus. the scientist told us these rabbits need another two hours until they’re at full capacity to begin the invasion. if we’re going to use the boolanavator, then i’ll need you to input the passcodes.
submitted:
general yolafo of ditmas
i don’t hate the police. most of them are just trying to do their job. whatever the job actually means. but the point is that you don’t have to call the police for a lot of shit that we call the police for on a daily basis. for instance like the guy pounding his car radio outside your apartment at one in the morning on a saturday night. you call the police and then you refuse to give your name and stuff in case of retribution and you hide in the shadows of your fucking kitchen and giggle to yourself when the police and the sirens come around and they shut the guy up. or like when some guy is acting all crazy in front of the mcdonalds on nostrand. he’s just yelling and jumping around but he has no weapons and then when you call the police they roll up like fifteen deep and shoot the guy with mace and jump on top of him and everyone now has their cellphones out complaining about ‘police brutality’ and a couple “ohhhhhs!” and “awww shit man!!!!!” interdispersed every now and then followed by chuckles. i mean the whole thing is bullshit. call the police when shit really matters, like your building is on fire and there’s a guy throwing people into that fire. that’s when you call the police.
you think there’s only one fucking big bird? you have to be out of your mind to think something like that.
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