Posts tagged ‘commute’
the apes get all the damn credit. the fact is, when pierre boulle came up with his science “fiction” masterpiece, the motherfucker was talking about us. baboons, not apes. but the thing is, even in french, the planet of the baboons doesn’t roll off the tongue in that je ne sais quoi kind of way. that’s why he was forced to change it by those agents of his. charlton heston, the good man that he was, caught whiff of this and replaced every damn ape word with baboon. but when those commie bastards out in california heard the line, ‘take your stinking hands off me you dirty baboon,’ they got all sensitive because marx was a baboon. yeah, you didn’t know that either, did you? all that shit you read about the apes rising that’s fiction because apes are idiots and even if they weren’t idiots hypothetically you know they don’t have the chutzpah to actually challenge the human “race” for supremacy. but baboons . . . you better watch yourself. we’ll eat your baby without thinking twice bitch. that’s the kind of the old world monkeys we are.
i play with rainbows and ferris wheels and cotton candy jump ropes when i’m not at school. i have a special place on top of an oak tree near prospect park where i keep all my magic stuff. i have to put it there because my brother doesn’t really share too well so i have to hide it from him. sometimes on the weekend, i go to vermont because i have a small plane that i keep there. it’s kind of hard to find but it’s only like maybe two hours from here. but i can go anywhere on the plane because it’s solar powered and wind powered too. last week i went to great adventures and the cool thing is that i don’t have to pay for the ticket i just land near the giraffes. they’re cool and all with me there so long as it’s just me.
flowing down nostrand avenue on my sailboat with a pocket full of pistachos and the new york times. underneath my hat is where i keep my secret documents. i do that because that’s the last place they would look. you see, they’ll search my bag and then rifle through my jacket and my pockets. and when they don’t find nothing, they’ll probably get up real close to my face and ask me in no uncertain terms that they could search my apartment if they wanted to. in those situations, you just have to relax and don’t maintain eye contact for too long. just look at the ground and think about how many steps it would take to get to sheepshead bay. no use getting angry or taking out the master blaster over a bunch of suits with badges. i’ve got better things to waste my lasers on.
i don’t know what kind of country we live in nowadays when the front page of over seventy-five percent of the dailies are reserved for what’s left of kim kardashian’s marriage. everyone is pointing their fingers and shaking their heads in disgust. but give the bitch a break. i mean, we want the drama. we want the fights. we want some salaciousness and some excess to top it off. that’s what makes that big ass of hers so interesting and fun to follow. if i wanted just to look at big ass, i’d go to the grand concourse with my video camera. kim kardashian is more than that. she took a big ass and gave it neon lights and a moustache.
when i go to sleep, i dream of things big and small. big like headlining madison square garden and singing like chris cornell or brent smith or maybe bringing about peace in the middle east or paying off my student loans with the money in my checking account or getting to spend a couple more hours with my dad before he died or teaching my three year old how to read. small like eating rocky road ice cream or swimming in the ocean without any fear of sharks or hanging out in prospect park eating some fried chicken. but right before i wake up, i find myself treading water amidst hundreds of paper boats, the kind you make with a few folds on a piece of folder paper and can double as a hat. and then the paper boats start spinning real fast like tops or something and when i try to put them back on course, they all start slipping toward a waterfall and then they jump off when they get to the edge as if they had legs. i watch as they fly into the air and do somersaults and flips and once in a while i think they’re going to float with the wind and maybe transform into a paper plane but then they just kind of dive down toward the bottom every time with a barely noticeable splash and then they’re lost in the spray and rocks and moss and water.
give me a few years and i won’t have to amaze you with either my word for word recital of dickinson’s ‘a curious cloud surprised the sky,’ the fact that i have lunch with tori amos about once a month at my parent’s house in bar harbor, or that i know the manager of pianos. wait until this estrogen really kicks in and i’ll tower over you like a giraffe in knee high boots.
i think a lot of people think, including myself, that if they stay in the same job, things are going to change, you know they just will somehow, someway. just stick out for a few more days and those days become months and those months become years and then holy shit you’ve been in the same job for almost ten years. and then you realize nothing really changed except you’re going to come home every night and avoid the mirror but every once in a while you’ll look in the mirror and ask yourself, “what i am fucking doing?” and that’s one of those real questions that we as humans like to avoid because it actually makes you think for real, makes you step back from the moving and doing and checking fucking email for the sake of moving and doing and checking fucking email. and right there and then you can make a choice to leave and do what you want to do or you can go back to doing the same shit you were doing before, hoping and wishing that the whole scenario is going to change, or you can step out and do what you’ve been deferring for some undefined moment in time in some undefined moment in the future.
in my next life, i’m going to be a fucking rabid alligator will bulletproof skin that eats people in suits.
the reach is one of the most difficult techniques to maneuver, particularly in public places. it requires cat like instincts and above all, an affinity for taking chances when they count the most. this is what defines success, both here in the subway and in the corporate world. the lessons i will teach you over the next six weeks will change your life, wherever you are and in whatever station of life you are in. with this once in a lifetime course, YOU too can make the reach!
stop and smell the moments.
e v e r y d a y aperture 