Posts from the ‘Moods’ Category
keep going and don’t look back. i think i’ve heard or read that quote in one guise or another since the early 1980’s, you know, in graduation speeches, tea bags, shit like that where you were supposed to feel inspired. it advocated for thinking about your future and making the right choices and living with the consequences and becoming independent and other yada yada bullshit. but come on, is it really like that? i think most people, if given a chance now, would have remained attached either to their mother’s breast or a BPA free nipple while a nice steady stream of raffi and pureed sweet potatoes floated overhead.
if i had to fly, i don’t think i’d be a bird or even a plane. i want to be like a thin trail of smoke from some nag champa incense. i just wanna cascade upwards toward the sky and then dissipate all over the fucking earth.
even now, after everything i went through, i still get asked what it’s like to have a ten foot tail. i laugh to myself and just shake my head. you should see their expressions when i whisper, “i can fly motherfucker. what can you do?” i say it so fast and with a slight turkish accent that they’re not really sure what i said but are too embarrassed to ask me to repeat it. so they just smile and tip their head a little bit before walking away.
it’s exactly what you thought it was.
i play with rainbows and ferris wheels and cotton candy jump ropes when i’m not at school. i have a special place on top of an oak tree near prospect park where i keep all my magic stuff. i have to put it there because my brother doesn’t really share too well so i have to hide it from him. sometimes on the weekend, i go to vermont because i have a small plane that i keep there. it’s kind of hard to find but it’s only like maybe two hours from here. but i can go anywhere on the plane because it’s solar powered and wind powered too. last week i went to great adventures and the cool thing is that i don’t have to pay for the ticket i just land near the giraffes. they’re cool and all with me there so long as it’s just me.
i don’t know what kind of country we live in nowadays when the front page of over seventy-five percent of the dailies are reserved for what’s left of kim kardashian’s marriage. everyone is pointing their fingers and shaking their heads in disgust. but give the bitch a break. i mean, we want the drama. we want the fights. we want some salaciousness and some excess to top it off. that’s what makes that big ass of hers so interesting and fun to follow. if i wanted just to look at big ass, i’d go to the grand concourse with my video camera. kim kardashian is more than that. she took a big ass and gave it neon lights and a moustache.
when i go to sleep, i dream of things big and small. big like headlining madison square garden and singing like chris cornell or brent smith or maybe bringing about peace in the middle east or paying off my student loans with the money in my checking account or getting to spend a couple more hours with my dad before he died or teaching my three year old how to read. small like eating rocky road ice cream or swimming in the ocean without any fear of sharks or hanging out in prospect park eating some fried chicken. but right before i wake up, i find myself treading water amidst hundreds of paper boats, the kind you make with a few folds on a piece of folder paper and can double as a hat. and then the paper boats start spinning real fast like tops or something and when i try to put them back on course, they all start slipping toward a waterfall and then they jump off when they get to the edge as if they had legs. i watch as they fly into the air and do somersaults and flips and once in a while i think they’re going to float with the wind and maybe transform into a paper plane but then they just kind of dive down toward the bottom every time with a barely noticeable splash and then they’re lost in the spray and rocks and moss and water.
a search of my mind reveals a dream i kept in a green plastic box underneath my bed. i didn’t think anyone would find it there. but you know how technology is now. nothing is really safe, not even your thoughts apparently. maybe if i go into the forest when it’s raining, and download my thoughts into a rainbow, the leprechauns would safeguard it until i get back.
there is a magic show that i keep in a box at home underneath my bed inside of a secret plastic bag that’s folded between two envelopes that i remember buying the first time i went to paris and saw the beautiful lights. i really miss those days because those were the days you could fly literally with these carpets that you could get anywhere for a pittance. all you really needed was a place to fly and there was plenty of that in the countryside. my father owned a farm there with all these chickens and i remember they use to come in at dinner and ask us to sing songs and we did because that’s the kind of family we were.
for me, the best time to go to coney island is in the summer when it’s raining. the rain washes away all the dust and litter and manhattanites that tend to accumulate. what’s left is the innocence that will always be coney island. even if you weren’t born here, you are transported back, even for a few seconds, to that time in your childhood when you could yell at the top of your lungs, when your daddy was your best friend, and you ran from one place to another because you could.
e v e r y d a y aperture 