Posts tagged ‘tri-x’
About a month ago, I was looking through the on-again off-again mess that is my closet. On the floor, behind a box of folders, were ten rolls of exposed tri-x in a ziplock bag. I had no idea when I took these films , other than that it was within the last five years. This was the first roll I had developed. My Ricoh has been suffering from light leaks, and this was taken before I noticed how consistent and pervasive the leaks became.
About a week after Sandy, I went with a group of neighbors down to the Rockaways to help out. Even with the pictures and news reports, there was still nothing that prepared me for what I saw. Homes and businesses destroyed with such certainty. Reminders everywhere of things and people that used to be.
anxiety is like a big bear standing next to you. if the bear could talk, he would be saying, “i’m going to fucking eat you.” but anxiety involves more than just the bear. because in this scenario, you are tied to a tree. you can move your hands and your fingers. but your legs are going nowhere. and even if somehow you could separate your lower body from your upper body and you actually survive, i’m telling you now you are not going to out-crawl an athletic, salivating bear whose only mission in life is to eat you.
but anxiety is more than just you, a tree, and a bear. that little motherboard in your human condition comes up with a load of coping mechanisms to deal with certain kinds of trauma. you know, suppression, repression, those kinds of terms. but when it comes to anxiety, that little motherboard of yours really can’t do anything but turn anxiety into a car. and you start riding through life on that fucking car and you look out the window and wave at your friends and take pictures of the pretty scenery outside. and you think, problems? sure, i’ve got problems but not real problems.
it’s all fine and dandy until something happens. and that “happens” can be something like a bump in the road or a sharp turn or just one of your fucking eyes that stares in the wrong direction. and you’ll know when the “happens” happens, because you’re going to look down at the steering wheel and realize you are tied to a tree with a hungry bear standing next to you.