Posts tagged ‘“rufus mangrove”’
you think there’s only one fucking big bird? you have to be out of your mind to think something like that.
sometimes, you have to take a deep breath and just dive in. yes, you might drown or encounter some kind of poisonous serpent or a new species of eel with sharp teeth. but imagine the excitement, the accomplishment, the pride you will feel when you find out that your lungs are actually gills and your hands are actually webbed tentacles. so get in there. get in there as fast as you can.
all you haters out there can say this or that about space travel to the moon. sure, there were some inconsistencies with the pictures NASA was sending back. but come on, they were using hasselblads that were mounted to their chests. did you ever try shooting medium format? did you ever try loading one of those fucking cameras? and that’s just on earth. now imagine doing that in a highly radioactive environment with ten inch think gloves and a director yelling in your face. it’s almost near impossible. yeah, so what about the shadows in all the weird places and the flag blowing in the wind in space. it’s medium format. shit like that happens when you use cameras like that.
even now, after everything i went through, i still get asked what it’s like to have a ten foot tail. i laugh to myself and just shake my head. you should see their expressions when i whisper, “i can fly motherfucker. what can you do?” i say it so fast and with a slight turkish accent that they’re not really sure what i said but are too embarrassed to ask me to repeat it. so they just smile and tip their head a little bit before walking away.
you don’t need a skirt to be riding pretty.
Every time someone says ‘I do not believe in fairies,’ somewhere there’s a fairy that falls down dead.
She’ll help us get the fucking Lektor.
every now and then i give up balloons. it’s never really a planned thing. my body just tells me, “no more fucking balloons roy.” so i listen because i know if i don’t i can get into some deep trouble. when you deal with the kind of balloons i deal with, there is only so much your body can handle before it just shuts down on itself.
if you think this has to do with you then think again man. and that’s where the bible got it really wrong when it comes down to it. the fact that the women came second after the man and shit doesn’t mean that the women were created for the man. a lot of people say that but you know science, real science without the politics, can really change paradigms. what if i told you that if you take a look at a woman’s galaptor cells under a microscope, and you can get this on ebay, you’re going to see without a shadow of a doubt that a woman is related to the modern day entenmann’s softee donut but in a much more concentrated form. to put it in perspective, just one drop of their liquid cinnamon sugar donuts is enough to make three hundred thousand boxes of donuts.
when it comes to competitive ice cream eating, there’s the bobby griffiths and the lucy dasilvas and the west coast all stars and then there’s fucking us. our sport has been portrayed in a kind of debonair light, you know horses and sunny fields and mint juleps. that’s just a show like for non-cable t.v. if you have the jompa network or the sunnyvale comunity, then you know every third saturday of the month at 2:30 p.m. either rain or shine or snow we have boardwalk battles and frankly we don’t even care if anyone gets in our way. we’re going to do our thing and you’re either going to watch or you going to be dead.
e v e r y d a y aperture 